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back to: Issue #15
Tips for Interpreting the Talibush
Tips for Interpreting the Talibush
By: Michael Gabriel
The war on terrorism has presented a golden opportunity for the fraudulent Bush Administration - heretofore known as the Talibush - to grab a stranglehold on the use of the media for its own selfish means. It is important to understand what is really happening when you listen to any member of the Talibush speak in front of a camera. I have become the nation's leading authority on interpreting what the Talibush really means and what they are trying to get you to believe. And you can become an authority too, if you listen carefully. Here is a brief primer.
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TALIBUSH OFFICE HOLDER:
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Mullah George W. Bush
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MEDIA PLAY:
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Always seen in front of a camera when an important decision is to be announced.
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WHAT HE SAYS:
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Words written for him by other people that sound patriotic and almost always include the words "God" and "Evil".
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WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK:
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Mullah George is in control.
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THE TRUTH:
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He's a puppet that says what others want him to say. He's the PR-in-Chief, a mere spokesman, like Howdy Doody sitting on the right knee of the Rupert Murdoch and Richard Mellon Scaife.
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TALIBUSH OFFICE HOLDER:
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Reclusive Vice President Dick Cheney
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MEDIA PLAY:
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Almost none.
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WHAT HE SAYS:
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Quiet words; mumbo-jumbo.
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WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK:
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He's a devoted side-man and counsel to the strong, powerful, all-knowing George W.
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THE TRUTH:
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He's calling all the shots. He's the brains behind this operation, the medicine man behind the screen that projects the Wizard of Oz. But since he's not media friendly, he lets Boy George do all the talking. And he's working behind the scenes to make sure the oil and energy companies get theirs.
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TALIBUSH OFFICE HOLDER:
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Rigid-backed Secretary of State Colin Powell
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MEDIA PLAY:
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Repeated appearances in front of the camera.
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WHAT HE SAYS:
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Since he projects strength and believeability, he is the voice of assurance for the Talibush.
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WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK:
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The war is in good hands with Colin Powell involved - he was the architect of the Gulf War, which left Saddam Hussein in power.
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THE TRUTH:
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The Talibush had totally cut him out of its plans before Sept. 11, because his stand on many issues ran contrary to their own. But since they know that if he ran for president he would beat Bush in the Republican primary by three to one, they keep their enemies close.
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TALIBUSH OFFICE HOLDER:
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Proper looking National Security Advisor Condoleeza Rice
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MEDIA PLAY:
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Encouraged to get in front of the camera as much as possible.
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WHAT SHE SAYS:
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Intelligent words that sound as if she wishes she wasn't being controlled by morons.
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WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK:
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The GOP is a big advocate of women and African Americans.
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THE TRUTH:
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The GOP wants to see women wearing burkhas, walking 10 steps behind them, and locked in the house raising the kids and making dinner for them, just like the Taliban. They lost the African American vote nine to one. Condoleeza Rice is way out of their league.
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TALIBUSH OFFICE HOLDER:
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Dour Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
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MEDIA PLAY:
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Always available for an update. He's like your genial grandfather, who unbeknownst to you, is a serial killer.
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WHAT HE SAYS:
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Carefully chosen words designed to assure the American people that the war is going according to plan.
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WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK:
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Would this nice man lie to you?
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THE TRUTH:
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Rumsfeld is going to assure that GOP donor corporations who make their money off of government defense contracts get theirs and more. The more bombs he drops, the more they have to buy to replace them.
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TALIBUSH OFFICE HOLDER:
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Clueless looking First Lady Laura Bush
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MEDIA PLAY:
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The occasional and obligatory nods to education, children's issues, and women.
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WHAT SHE SAYS:
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Recent radio address was a riff on how horrible the Taliban treats women.
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WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK:
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The GOP is on the forefront of women's issues. Come soccer moms, wives, grandmas, working women everywhere, we're there for you.
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THE TRUTH:
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The Talibush is about as sincere in its desire to be an advocate of women's issues as it is to be an advocate of rights for gays. They want women to sit down and shut up while they wage war.
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TALIBUSH OFFICE HOLDER:
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Press Secretary Ari Fleisher
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MEDIA PLAY:
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The second most powerful government PR talking head after Bush himself.
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WHAT HE SAYS:
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Words that barely hide the complete and utter contempt he has for the Washington press corp.
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WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK:
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We have a place in our administration for Jewish people.
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THE TRUTH:
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The GOP is embarassing in the way it panders to specific voter demographics that it does nothing to support in its policy-making.
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TALIBUSH OFFICE HOLDER:
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Failed Senator and Fascist-like Attorney General John Ashcroft
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MEDIA PLAY:
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Frequent press conferences.
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WHAT HE SAYS:
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Gruff, mean-spirited words meant to create the impression that he is the ultimate authority for justice in this land. The high sheriff of the Talibush.
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WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK:
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This highly controversial and utterly dogmatic troll of a man is defending and protecting you against enemies of the state.
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THE TRUTH:
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Ashcroft has one agenda in mind: enforcing his dream of an extreme right-wing conservative police state where civil liberties have been curtailed and failure to toe the Talibush line targets you for wiretapping, anti-American propaganda, and possible arrest. He wants to operate without being accountable to anyone. The most dangerous man in the country.
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There are others too, but they are minor players in the Talibush. Whatever this crowd says, take it with a grain of salt. There is but one agenda for the Talibush and that is for the Talibush to stay in power. If it takes a 20-year war against a shadowy enemy to accomplish that, then so be it. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Michael Gabriel lives in Montana and likes to laugh at his neanderthal neighbors. He contributes the occasional article to Liberal Slant.
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