I'm With Stupid and Today Is the Day

By: Michael Moore

Today is, frankly, a day I thought I would never see. It is the day my book goes on sale to the public. That should be a simple event, as it happens every day with dozens of books that find their way to the bookstores of America.

But eight weeks ago it appeared as if this might never happen for my book, Stupid White Men. In those dark December days, as I was told that "changes had to be made", I was left to wonder if the 50,000 copies that had already been printed were well on their way to some big shredder in Pennsylvania. That was the option I was given - rewrite the book and "tone down your dissent", or face the prospect of your book being "pulped".

I refused to change a word and the publisher backed down. And thus, today, you are able to read my book, uncensored. What an odd thing to say in a free society! "We have decided that you can now read Mike's book!" I have had a small taste of the New Order in which we now live, and, folks, I gotta say, I don't like it one bit. The only good thing to come out of it is that they made a big mistake trying to silence the wrong guy.

I had suggested to my publisher that maybe they should slap a sticker on the cover of my book reading, "APPROVED BY THE OFFICE OF HOMELAND SECURITY". I think any organization that is, in and of itself, an illusion meant to create a false sense of safety, should at least have its own seal with a gummy back.

Can you keep a secret? This book is already at #1 on the expanded Amazon Nonfiction Bestseller List, and I got word today from two regional book distributors that the demand has been so high they are out of books! They were so desperate for more copies that they contacted the author directly (as if I had a few spare boxes of them out in the garage!).

I don't want the Axis of Uber-Evil - Bush/Cheney/Ashcroft - to find out how well the book has been doing before it even goes on sale, as they must continue to believe the media mantra of, "ALL Americans are behind George W. Bush!" and "Hail W, for it is you who has the HIGHEST approval ratings ever!".

Let them take heart in that nonsense (who wouldn't tell a stranger, a "pollster", who has called you at home at 9 o'clock at night and asked you if you "APPROVE" of your "President", just as you were looking out your window and noticing that your neighbor, Fasoul Hussein Abdulah - you know, the friendly guy who owns the 7-11 down the street - is being hauled away by the Men In Black! "Damn straight I approve of Mr. Bush!" you scream into the phone...).

The longer they keep believing their "ratings", the larger our numbers will grow. Sunday's Zogby Poll already had Bush at his lowest rating since before 9-11. Trust me, it only gets better from here on out, and you are welcome to mark "Stupid White Men Day - February, 19, 2002" as the beginning of the end for Kenny Boy's boy.

So, today, I begin my month-long book tour across the country. If you'll recall from the film I made of my last outing, The Big One, this can be one wild ride. It can also be no picnic. I am not going to make a movie this time. Instead, I am going to keep a simple diary on the road - and I am going to make this diary open for you to view on my website.

I promise to be as honest as I can, and I won't be pulling any punches. If the Motel 6 sucks in Syracuse, you'll hear about it. The diary - My Stupid Life: Mike's Book Tour Diary - can be read or heard (depending on what kind of equipment you have) by going to www.michaelmoore.com anytime after tonight. Please mark it and check it out each day as I think you'll find it mildly interesting and sincerely libelous.

Tonight, I will be going on the O'Reilly Factor on the Fox Nudnick Channel to be interrupted - I mean interviewed - by its host, Bill O'Reilly. The fun begins at 8pm ET/PT, and you have to be part of the cable elite to witness this historic meeting of what hath become of Ireland's once great sons. At 10pm ET/PT tonight, you can catch me with Aaron Brown on CNN.

Finally, I want you to know that I will be looking forward to only one thing during this entire book tour - Opening Day of the 2002 Major League Baseball season! Why? Because that is the day I am asking George W. Bush to resign. And I want the resignation to take place right in the middle of Enron Field in Houston during the 7th-inning stretch of the Astros-Brewers game. I've asked if I can throw out the first pitch at 4:05pm CT.

I mean, can there be a more perfect way to end the madness - Bush, Lay, Mike, Texas, America's Favorite Pastime, and the visiting team from a Blue State owned by the Commissioner of Baseball (who will hand over his job to the ex-"president" as the fans sing "Da Do En-ron-ron Da Do En-ron")?

C'mon, George, are ya listening? Just step up to the microphone and go out like Gehrig! Opening Day, April 2, 2002. Yoooou're Ouuuuuuuut!!!